Saturday, March 28, 2009

Little Miss Addie Mae

Six years ago today I breathlessly awaited the birth of my little girl. I remember when I found out she was a girl and the excitement that I felt....I was going to have a daughter. I was going to have pink clothes and hair bows, butterflies and flowers.......oh the excitement. I think the thing I was most excited about was getting to have a relationship with a child like the one I had with my mom, and the relationship that my mom had with hers. You see, my moms side of the family had some strong, Godly women in it who truly modeled how to be a great Godly mother. I was stoked to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys so much (and the fact that they are close to being drama free...except for Charlie on occasion:) ) and wouldn't trade them for anything. There is just something about having daughters that I find so special.

During my pregnancy with Addie I got really sick...I mean really sick. I thought that either I was going to die or she was. I had a fever of 105 degrees for 5 days and the doctors couldn't figure it out. Needless to say I went into severe dehydration and at 24 weeks went into early labor. I remember the doctors scurrying around my room, giving me shots of Terbutaline, throwing monitors on me....I had never seen my Dr panic...but I did that day. Ric and I had a few quiet moments when everyone had left the room and he looked at me and asked "if they can't stop it and she is born...she'll be okay right??" I remember trying to be strong, but with tears streaming down my face...I simply whispered "no, it's too early". I remember Ric praying over me and sweet Addie that day and trying as best as we could to give it to God...not knowing the outcome. God taught me how to trust Him that week...with my life and my kids lives. Eventually the fever went down...the contractions stopped...and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. We had made it through!!

The day Addie was born went off without a hitch. We had our C-section scheduled, ever pink outfit this side of Alabama in her closet, a nursery that we named Blush and Bashful (you and pink), and a daddy who was literally scared to death to have a little girl. He is so protective of our girls and I love that about him. She was so tiny when she came out and had the biggest brown eyes and the darkest head of hair I had ever seen. She was perfect. I remember smiling and thinking "I have a daughter...a daughter of my very own, to love and nurture." She was so sweet and everyone remarked that she looked like a china doll....even the lady in Yankee Candle asked me weeks later when I had gone to China to get her:)! I loved her from the moment I knew she was in my belly...and seeing her sweet face and fingers and toes made me love her even more. The days that followed Addie's birth were a little stressful to say the least. In the hospital my mom and I noticed that Addie would have these uncontrollable twitches...we kinda brushed them off as being normal, but as the days progressed they got worse and worse. Finally we called our doctor and he referred as to a neurologist. I was so worried that my high fever during pregnancy had caused some neurological damage. He believed that she had a disorder that was called benign neonatal sleep myoclonus...seizures while she slept. If it was that it was something she would outgrow...if it wasn't , then she was having some kind of seizure that we would have to identify. I remember sitting in the doctors office that day and seeing kids that had major neurological issues and knowing that this could be the path that God led our family down. I remember God worked in my heart that day and the weeks surrounding it to remind me that Addie was made just the way He intended for her to be. That she was beautiful in every way because he formed her in my womb and knew every detail about her...even down to the number of hairs on her head. I remember thanking God for Addie, no matter what took place...and then I prayed that I would be the mom she needed me to be. The day we went to the neurologist at Scottish Rite, she decided that we needed to do a sleep study on her to see if that was what it was. The only problem was is that the sleep beds are always booked at Scottish Rite. She gave it a shot...and guess what...there was a bed. By "some strange coincidence" they were empty because that weekend the rooms were getting renovated. I don't call that a coincidence...I call it GOD!! They put over 50 probes on her head to measure her brain waves and then they videoed her sleeping...and I am sure they got footage of me snoring and drooling:) ! They did diagnose her with benign neonatal sleep myoclonus and told us that she would outgrow it in 6 weeks. We praised God when the seizures ceased!!!

God didn't just use those weeks to allow me to mother a little girl...He showed me that He was in control, and nothing I did would change anything. That I had to trust Him with everything. I will ever be grateful for Addie for that. God used that sweet little baby to teach me how to trust Him fully. What a sweet love Addie is. She lights the room up when she walks in and can truly turn my frown upside down. She is sassy...don't get me wrong....but I truly love this little girl. She is a little mommy already and cares for her sister and brother like a seasoned pro. She is loyal as they come and will fight for what she believes. She has a fire in her that I haven't seen in many kids and I pray God will use that.

My prayer is for Addie that she would see what life is truly all about. That God has protected her her whole life... and that He will continue to. That she can truly trust God with the tough things....even life and death. That no matter what the world says about her......God thinks she is beautiful. Most of all, I pray that she would just fall in love with the Lover of her Soul!! You are precious Sweet Addie Mae....a blessing from God Himself! Happy 6th Birthday!

Friday, March 27, 2009

Jesse's Big Day

Jesse Boy

WOW! I can't believe that it has already been one year since this precious child came into my life. I remember the day he was born, the excitement that led up to seeing his face. I wondered who he would look like, how big he would be (cause y'all know I grow 'em big), and if he would be healthy. The moments that followed his birth were so sweet as everyone cooed and talked about how beautiful he was. I laid there on the operating table doing everything I could to catch a quick glimpse of him. I began to hear talk about respiratory rates and that his were extremely high, I got a quick glimpse of him and a quick kiss and he and Ric were gone to recovery. About 30 minutes later they rolled me into recovery where I saw a slightly worried Ric. If anyone knows Ric, you know he doesn't worry....ever!! I could hear them talking about NICU and respiratory therapists and I panicked and honestly don't remember all of it. I had a chance to feed him for about 5 minutes and he was gone to the NICU....what, my baby could be sick.....what is going on? My heart raced, my eyes cried, and my heart was literally breaking inside my chest. No bonding, no loving, no pictures........nothing. He spent about 5 or 6 hours in the NICU as they tried to monitor his rates and figure out what was going on. Our families...especially grandmas.....fretted with me...we know how us ladies over react:). I think Ric had them slip me some good stuff because I remember through all my worrying and fretting...I fell asleep. When I awoke later they told me that they would soon be bringing Jesse to me and I just silently prayed and asked my God to take care of his little body...and I thanked Him for his sweet life. I had tried so desperately to get pregnant with Jesse....even though it was only seven months and I know most women try much longer, it seemed like the longest road to me. Then we he was finally here, to think that he might not be okay was scary to say the least. He came back to me that evening wrapped in the sweetest blanket that some sweet person had made for NICU babies (He still sleeps with this blanket today). I prayed over his sweet body, his lungs so that they would get under control..and I gave that little boy to the Lord.

I pray that God does big things with all of my children. That God would save them at a young age and use them. I want them to be a light in this ever so dark world. I want to see Jesse...the little boy that fought so hard to be used of God to share the Breath of Life with a lost and dying world. That is my prayer as this sweet boy turns one.I am beyond blessed. I know that many babies that visit the NICU never come out. That some mommies never get to even see their babies breathe. That some people never even get to have one baby, much less be blessed with four. For that I will ever thank my Father in Heaven that he saw fit for me to raise these children. I pray that I would do it in a way that would honor Him above all else.

I don't care if they are athletic, top of their class, popular, prettiest......none of those things truly matter. What I want them to be is children with a heart for God, that sees a lost world, and will go to all lengths to tell people about Jesus.

Happy Birthday Little Man Jesse.....