Though you slay me...

I have this friend.  God brought her into my life...just when I needed her.  I thought she was a granola, tree hugging kind of gal before I talked to her.  But then she opened her mouth...and I was forever sealed with her.  She makes me laugh...she makes me cry.  She is the real deal.

I want to share a little bit about her...even though she will be chawed that I did!!  I heard her husband share his testimony shortly after I got to know Heather.    His story is beyond amazing as well....radically...radically changed.  He started to share a little bit about Heather's story and I think that is when my sobbing began.

You see Heather married a boy that she dated when she was in high school.  They had their wedding...spent their first night together...got up the next day to go on their honeymoon and as they were driving, a car t-boned Nathan's side and caused a horrific crash.  Nathan died that day...she believes she heard his last breath and then she lost consciousness.  She was injured extensively and had a long road of recovery...but had lost her husband a day after they were married.  It's one of those things you hear of in the movies...on the news.  But to meet someone who had been through that...it's different.  I asked her one day about it...and listened to her voice as it quivered and relived that dreadful day.  

She knows that through it all...God was protecting her...that He was faithful...that His plan would unfold in due time.  She later married Chad...God had saved them both...brought them back together in His time.  They were sweethearts in their early teen years and had drifted apart and God restored their relationship.

  God has used them to minister to hurting people, people living in addiction, people living in broken homes...people that just need Christ.  I love watching them minister to people.  I love hearing their story...it honestly never gets old and I truly believe one day they will have a book and stand on a stage and share their story of redemption and reconciliation.  

This past 6 months, my sweet friend has lost 3 grandparents.  3 people who were a huge part of her life.  She has experienced loss...felt much grief...hurt beyond belief...enough for 10 people.  And yet, through it all, she continues to praise Him...worship Him.  She honestly amazes me and I count it an honor and privilege to call her my friend.

She is moving to Texas in a few months and I have to admit...I am devastated.  I cried the ugly cry...snapped at my husband when he was trying to find the good in it to which I responded..."there is NOTHING good about this"...and have slowly prepared my heart to not have my sweet friend beside me in Sunday School.  To not see her every week and laugh about our crazy kids...our messy homes...our crazy husbands.  Don't get me wrong...we will still talk...a lot.  We will still see each other...its not an option not to. But just knowing she is that far away...yeah that hurts my heart.  I love this sweet friend of mine and I think she is pretty awesome.  One of the reasons I have treasured this lady is because with everything she has gone through in her life...broken home...death of a husband...struggles...death of grandparents...she has still praised Him.  She still worships Him, even when life is hard.  She sees His hand in everything...and for this self proclaimed Ouiser Boudreaux(I can be a little critical) she is a breath of fresh air...a blessing...and a much needed reminder that God and God alone can heal any hurt.  She knows that He is the one that she needs!!!  

Clairee, I love ya friend...and while I don't know how your holding up on the inside with everything that's going on in your life...your hair is holding up nicely!!!  I love ya...more than my luggage.

This song...oh this song.  When I heard it, I thought of Heather immediately...it's beautiful...just like her!!!

“Though You Slay Me” (featuring John Piper) from Desiring God on Vimeo.

I come, God, I come

I return to the Lord

The one who's broken

The one who's torn me apart

You struck down to bind me up

You say You do it all in love

That I might know You in Your suffering

Though You slay me

Yet I will praise You

Though You take from me

I will bless Your name

Though You ruin me

Still I will worship

Sing a song to the one who's all I need

My heart and flesh may fail

The earth below give way

But with my eyes, with my eyes I'll see the Lord

Lifted high on that day

Behold, the Lamb that was slain

And I'll know every tear was worth it all

Though You slay me

Yet I will praise You

Though You take from me

I will bless Your name

Though You ruin me

Still I will worship

Sing a song to the one who's all I need

Though tonight I'm crying out

Let this cup pass from me now

You're still all that I need

You're enough for me

You're enough for me

Though You slay me

Yet I will praise You

Though You take from me

I will bless Your name

Though You ruin me

Still I will worship

Sing a song to the one who's all I need

Sing a song to the one who's all I need

Double Digits....

Ten years ago today...a decade...I breathlessly awaited the birth of my little girl. I remember when I found out she was a girl and the excitement that I felt....I was going to have a daughter. I was going to have pink clothes and hair bows, butterflies and flowers.......oh the excitement. I think the thing I was most excited about was getting to have a relationship with a child like the one I had with my mom, and the relationship that my mom had with hers. You see, my moms side of the family had some strong, Godly women in it who truly modeled how to be a great Godly mother. I was stoked to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I love my boys so much (and the fact that they are close to being drama free...except for Charlie on occasion:) ) and wouldn't trade them for anything. There is just something about having daughters that I find so special.

During my pregnancy with Addie I got really sick...I mean really sick. I thought that either I was going to die or she was. I had a fever of 105 degrees for 5 days and the doctors couldn't figure it out. Needless to say I went into severe dehydration and at 24 weeks went into early labor. I remember the doctors scurrying around my room, giving me shots of Terbutaline, throwing monitors on me....I had never seen my Dr panic...but I did that day. Ric and I had a few quiet moments when everyone had left the room and he looked at me and asked "if they can't stop it and she is born...she'll be okay right??" I remember trying to be strong, but with tears streaming down my face...I simply whispered "no, it's too early". I remember Ric praying over me and sweet Addie that day and trying as best as we could to give it to God...not knowing the outcome. God taught me how to trust Him that week...with my life and my kids lives. Eventually the fever went down...the contractions stopped...and I finally breathed a sigh of relief. We had made it through!!

The day Addie was born went off without a hitch. We had our C-section scheduled, ever pink outfit this side of Alabama in her closet, a nursery that we named Blush and Bashful (you know...pink and pink), and a daddy who was literally scared to death to have a little girl. He is so protective of our girls and I love that about him. She was so tiny when she came out and had the biggest brown eyes and the darkest head of hair I had ever seen. She was perfect. I remember smiling and thinking "I have a daughter...a daughter of my very own, to love and nurture." She was so sweet and everyone remarked that she looked like a china doll....even the lady in Yankee Candle asked me weeks later when I had gone to China to get her:)! I loved her from the moment I knew she was in my belly...and seeing her sweet face and fingers and toes made me love her even more.

The days that followed Addie's birth were a little stressful to say the least. In the hospital my mom and I noticed that Addie would have these uncontrollable twitches...we kinda brushed them off as being normal, but as the days progressed they got worse and worse. Finally we called our doctor and he referred as to a neurologist. I was so worried that my high fever during pregnancy had caused some neurological damage. He believed that she had a disorder that was called benign neonatal sleep myoclonus...seizures while she slept. If it was that it was something she would outgrow...if it wasn't , then she was having some kind of seizure that we would have to identify. I remember sitting in the doctors office that day and seeing kids that had major neurological issues and knowing that this could be the path that God led our family down. I remember God worked in my heart that day and the weeks surrounding it to remind me that Addie was made just the way He intended for her to be. That she was beautiful in every way because he formed her in my womb and knew every detail about her...even down to the number of hairs on her head. I remember thanking God for Addie, no matter what took place...and then I prayed that I would be the mom she needed me to be.

The day we went to the neurologist at Scottish Rite, she decided that we needed to do a sleep study on her to see if that was what it was. The only problem was is that the sleep beds are always booked at Scottish Rite. She gave it a shot...and guess what...there was a bed. By "some strange coincidence" they were empty because that weekend the rooms were getting renovated. I don't call that a coincidence...I call it GOD!! They put over 50 probes on her head to measure her brain waves and then they videoed her sleeping...and I am sure they got footage of me snoring and drooling!! They did diagnose her with benign neonatal sleep myoclonus and told us that she would outgrow it in 6 weeks. We praised God when the seizures ceased!!!

God didn't just use those weeks to allow me to mother a little girl...He showed me that He was in control, and nothing I did would change anything. That I had to trust Him with everything. I will ever be grateful for Addie for that. God used that sweet little baby to teach me how to trust Him fully. What a sweet love Addie is. She lights the room up when she walks in and can truly turn my frown upside down. She is sassy...don't get me wrong....but I truly love this little girl. She is a little mommy already and cares for her sister and brother like a seasoned pro. She is loyal as they come and will fight for what she believes. She has a fire in her that I haven't seen in many kids and I pray God will use that.

My prayer is for Addie that she would see what life is truly all about. That God has protected her her whole life... and that He will continue to. That she can truly trust God with the tough things....even life and death. That no matter what the world says about her......God thinks she is beautiful. Most of all, I pray that she would just fall in love with the Lover of her Soul!! You are precious Sweet Addie Mae....a blessing from God Himself! Happy Double Digits Boo!!! You are a gift!!!

Jesse's Five...and that's no jive...

I can't believe that my little man is turning five today. It seems just like yesterday that I was holding him in the hospital. That I was looking at his head full of hair...guessing who he was going to look like...and kissing those fat cheeks!! He took my breath away when I first held him close to my heart. I remember his sweet baby smells...the way he smiled in his sleep....not that he did much of that...the sleeping that is!

I (in my own mind, because who admits those things out loud) had dubbed myself Traci Hogg's right hand woman..."the baby whisperer". We(and I mean we...my hubby rocks) sleep trained all of our kids by 9 weeks old and we could have written a book...if it hadn't already been written by Traci!!! But Jesse....oh but Jesse. He broke that book in two and ripped every page out. He never slept....NEVER!! It was an exhausting...but joyful first year of his little life.

He has been full force ever since and we laugh at him everyday. He has the sweetest hugs...and never wants to let you go. Just today, I ate lunch with him...totally snuck chic-fil-a up in there...and he had the death grip on my hand the whole way down the hall as I left...he would rather be home than anywhere else!!

He has been a blessing everyday!! He can make me laugh, make me cry, and every emotion in between!! He is such a neat kid...loves life, snuggles, superheroes, coloring...hates school, any veggie, and brushing his hair! What a sweet boy my Jesse is and I just know that God is going to use him in ways that I can't even fathom.

I pray that he sells out for Jesus and lives dangerously for Him...that he will love the Word...love people...and always love his Momma!!! Jesse, you were the perfect ending for our little family of 6 and we all think you are pretty special!! You are finally five...and that's no jive!!